You’re gone, but I miss you so much that every fragment of my being yearns for your return. Every moment of every day I find myself wishing you were here with me, sitting, laying right beside me. You’ve never seen me cry but I doubt my tears could bring you back. I just can’t understand why it is that I love you so much. It makes me mad sometimes that I just can’t confine you to my past, how could I, when I feel this strongly for you? I remember when I told you I loved you for the first time, you were about to leave and ended up staying for me, I’ve never felt so loved ever. We talked all night and I actually cried, tears of happiness, the one and only time I’ve ever had them.
I feel so hopeless and empty, I miss you, I miss us, I love you and there’s just no way to go back to being us. Even though I know you love me, you can deny it all you want but I’ve seen the look in your eyes, your eyes just don’t lie. Nothing about any of this makes sense, not why we can’t be together, not what went wrong. All I know is there’s nothing I want more than I want you. I just can’t move on and I can’t fathom loving anyone more than I love you. So I’m just here stagnant, drained and broken holding on to a glimmer of hope that will never materialize into anything. Our love is like a dying orchid and I’m frantically digging at the earth hoping that deep down there's a bulb waiting to bloom at the turn of spring. I don’t even think I know what I want anymore, all this is just rambling to put my heart at ease because every time I think about you, it beats like crazy, that’s just one symptom of just how much I love you.
I know you’re out there doing good, I’m so proud of you. More than you’ll ever know. But I miss you and I love you probably way too much.
