what if?

what if it's too late?


....


what would you do when you realized that the person you have taken for granted turns out to be the one you've been looking for all this time, but that person has already found someone and they're already happy?


it sucks, right? hello, regret! hello, disappointments! 


and the reason behind all this shit was that you were too "afraid" to fall in love that time due to some traumatic experiences in the past.


sounds pathetic, i know, but you can't blame me. after all, i'm not a risk-taker, well, except now, coz i finally realized that nothing will happen if i'll stay comfy and relaxed within my comfort zone.


do you think it's too late for me to make a move? well, i think they're not yet "official" but whenever i see their pictures on FB (thanks FB for makin me feel jealous, LOL) they seem very happy together. i'm not sure, coz it's normal for people to smile and look happy on pictures, but their's, hmmmm, there's something fishy going on between them. assuming? i don't know. gut feeling? yeah, probably, i can trust it sometimes.


there's more. one time, while i was scanning her profile, i saw a post from that guy and holy gamowlee (i just invented that word coz i can't think of any adjective to describe how "holy" that post was), he was waaaaaaaaaay too sweet than an ordinary friend could ever be and he even used a term-of-endearment-shit to address her. well, the good thing was she didn't like that post nor left a comment. but that doesn't mean she didn't feel *kilig* while reading that post.


*bling* *bling* you could see a big "I'M-JEALOUS-AS-FUCK" sign on my forehead while writing this, but hey, you can't blame me, eh?! :P


i liked that girl, even until now, but i never had the courage to let her know how i felt. she was a classmate during 2nd year college and after that, even if we weren't classmates anymore, we still see each other coz our school wasn't that big and we have common friends which makes it easier for me to see her but whenever we're talking, damn, i can't help but be torpe. i guess i don't need to describe how a torpe guy acts, alam niyo na yan.:D


now, what can you say? i'm stupid, right? well, we do stupid things sometimes. but mine's a loooooooot worse, isn't it? haha :D


so, what will happen to my i'm-torpe-so-now-i'm-suffering story? i have no idea.


but now, to be honest, i feel shitty. regret's fillin me and it has made a deep hole within me. i'm so disappointed. i'm weak. i'm lame. a lot of "if-only's" are running in my head. but, i think, it's too late......


i guess all i need to do now is to accept the fact that i let her slip away because of my katorpehan and embrace the repercussions of my own stupidity. i'm happy that she's happy, that sounds martir, but that's life. well, i'm proud to say that i've learned my lessons and i hope to never do the same mistake again.


so, to all the torpes out there, 4 things:
-take risks
-set aside the "what-if's"
-don't be afraid
-be confident!


let's rock and roll. :)


----------


this song goes to all the torpes out there. this is "for you i will(confidence)" by teddy geiger. :D

p.a.i.n

Pain comes in all forms. The small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain. The normal pains we live with everyday.


Then there's the kind of pain you can't ignore. A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else... Makes the rest of your world fade away, until all we can think about is how much we hurt.


How we manage our pain is up to us.


Pain. We anesthetize , ride it out, embrace it, ignore it, and for some of us the best way to manage pain is to just push through it.


Pain.


You just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own. Hope the wound that caused it heals.


There are no solutions, no easy answers. You just breath deep and wait for it to subside.


Most of the time pain can be managed, but sometimes the pain gets you when you least expect it, hits way below the belt and doesn't let up.


Pain. You just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it... And life always makes more.

-----

i once posted this as a note on my FB account. just wanna share it here. 

by the way, i got this from Grey's Anatomy. :)

very very light...

sometimes we keep holding on even if the situation tells us to let go. we ignore the pain to the point that we become numb. we keep fighting even if the person we love has already given up on us. we still hope, against all odds, against all logic, that everything will be ok. that everything will return to normal. that all the bullshit and the drama will end.

but at the end of the day, there will come a point that we'll get tired. we'll realize that the pain we feel is too much, that we've suffered too long and that we've hoped too high. we'll realize that the battle is already finish and we have to face the fact that we have lost the fight and the victory will never be ours. yes, there'll be wounds, deep, penetrating wounds, but no matter how deep those wounds are, the good thing is, they'll heal. we'll recover. we'll be ok again. the wounds will heal but the scars will always be there to remind us about the battle we have faced and how stupid we were back then. people sometimes get stupid when it comes to love. that's a fact. but there's no need to blame ourselves.

we have fought valiantly to save the dying relationship.we have done our part. and after all this shit, we need to move on. it'll take time to recuperate, it's a gradual process, like the cliche "one-baby-step-at-a-time" crap. but it's the only way to save ourselves. it's time to pick up the broken pieces of our shattered heart and make it whole again. one day, though bruised and wounded, we will be whole again and the experience we had will help us to face the world with a kick-ass attitude.

-E.R 12/13/2011 7:25 am