There are a few of us in this world that hide in our own shadows, afraid to let anyone see us in our true form. I've always been afraid of letting people in, most of the time without any real reason. On some level I guess I've always believed that if people got to see the real me they wouldn't like me very much, because, well, I don’t like me very much, so who else would? I was once told that there are two types of people in the world, those that see faults in themselves and those that see faults in others, I've always assumed that those that keep my company are that of the latter and therefore if I want to keep those that I love nearest I cannot let them see me in my truest self.
From a young age I learned that people can walk into your life with great ease and they can be taken from you with greater ease. Some are taken by cruel twists of fate and others leave of their own accord, nothing is permanent and no bond lasts forever. I guess it was at that young age I learned that I could cushion the blow, by not allowing anyone to get too close.
Something that I've never really been able to understand is how a person can hurt you so easily after spending years trying to work their way into your heart. In time you let them in, allowing them to undress your heart layer by layer until you are completely and utterly defenseless Naked. At a point where they could just stop your heart completely and if they so desired and you’d let them with no fight at all, because you've given your heart to them in every sense of the word. But they don’t, they don’t stop your heart beating, instead they wreak havoc upon it. They don’t stop it beating, they simply make every beat more and more painful than the last. And I guess as you sit there nursing your wounds in agony you begin to wonder how they managed to work their way so deep into your heart, especially when you've always been so careful as to who you let wander near, and then every loving word they ever told you just becomes but another spit of venom that burned it’s way through your defenses until you were naked.
I guess in time someone else will come along and they are willing to love you, devoted to finding their way through the mazes you've erected for added security, but it becomes just too difficult to penetrate. And sometimes despite the difficulty they stick around, because they are determined, but to you they’re just trying to clean up a mess that someone else left in the wake of it all. Sometimes they let you into their heart before they've found a way in yours and once in that position you do what has been done to you because that’s all you really know and have known. And I guess that’s where the most vicious of circles begins, the circle of heartbreak, distrust, distress and agony.
Occasionally you find compassion and open your heart to them as they have to you, and perhaps that is where the truest of all love is born, but that really is a rare thing and you realize someday soon you will have to mourn them, or worse they will have to mourn you.
from an anonymous blogger
