what if?

what if it's too late?


....


what would you do when you realized that the person you have taken for granted turns out to be the one you've been looking for all this time, but that person has already found someone and they're already happy?


it sucks, right? hello, regret! hello, disappointments! 


and the reason behind all this shit was that you were too "afraid" to fall in love that time due to some traumatic experiences in the past.


sounds pathetic, i know, but you can't blame me. after all, i'm not a risk-taker, well, except now, coz i finally realized that nothing will happen if i'll stay comfy and relaxed within my comfort zone.


do you think it's too late for me to make a move? well, i think they're not yet "official" but whenever i see their pictures on FB (thanks FB for makin me feel jealous, LOL) they seem very happy together. i'm not sure, coz it's normal for people to smile and look happy on pictures, but their's, hmmmm, there's something fishy going on between them. assuming? i don't know. gut feeling? yeah, probably, i can trust it sometimes.


there's more. one time, while i was scanning her profile, i saw a post from that guy and holy gamowlee (i just invented that word coz i can't think of any adjective to describe how "holy" that post was), he was waaaaaaaaaay too sweet than an ordinary friend could ever be and he even used a term-of-endearment-shit to address her. well, the good thing was she didn't like that post nor left a comment. but that doesn't mean she didn't feel *kilig* while reading that post.


*bling* *bling* you could see a big "I'M-JEALOUS-AS-FUCK" sign on my forehead while writing this, but hey, you can't blame me, eh?! :P


i liked that girl, even until now, but i never had the courage to let her know how i felt. she was a classmate during 2nd year college and after that, even if we weren't classmates anymore, we still see each other coz our school wasn't that big and we have common friends which makes it easier for me to see her but whenever we're talking, damn, i can't help but be torpe. i guess i don't need to describe how a torpe guy acts, alam niyo na yan.:D


now, what can you say? i'm stupid, right? well, we do stupid things sometimes. but mine's a loooooooot worse, isn't it? haha :D


so, what will happen to my i'm-torpe-so-now-i'm-suffering story? i have no idea.


but now, to be honest, i feel shitty. regret's fillin me and it has made a deep hole within me. i'm so disappointed. i'm weak. i'm lame. a lot of "if-only's" are running in my head. but, i think, it's too late......


i guess all i need to do now is to accept the fact that i let her slip away because of my katorpehan and embrace the repercussions of my own stupidity. i'm happy that she's happy, that sounds martir, but that's life. well, i'm proud to say that i've learned my lessons and i hope to never do the same mistake again.


so, to all the torpes out there, 4 things:
-take risks
-set aside the "what-if's"
-don't be afraid
-be confident!


let's rock and roll. :)


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this song goes to all the torpes out there. this is "for you i will(confidence)" by teddy geiger. :D