forget me.

I don’t recall asking much of you, I didn't ask for you to love me, I didn't ask to be in your thoughts all the time, nor did I ask you to be there continually. The one thing that I did ask of you was for you to never forget me, mostly because above all you were a dear friend to me. You gave me your word that I could never be forgotten, you told me that nothing could wipe me from your memory, that nothing could take my place and nothing would ever hold the same meaning as I do. I think you kept true to your word, but it’s not at all how I imagined.

It’s true that you haven’t forgotten me, even though its been a year since we meant anything to each other, it’s been a year since we've talked properly . You haven’t forgotten me, but it’s not in the way I imagined, I wanted you to remember the happiness I brought you, all the times you smiled because of me and all the memories we created together. But I guess when I asked you to never forget me you interpreted it in entirely the wrong way. I wanted to be remembered, instead you remember me most only when you’re lonely, when the world you've so meticulously crafted crumbles around you, that’s when you remember me. When you have nowhere else to go, that’s when you remember me, when no one else will listen, that’s when you remember me. You run to me when your world is broken and you forget me when it becomes mended.

I don’t know why I so badly wanted you to remember me, I guess I figured memories would be the only thing left of us, and in time they too would be forgotten, so I wanted you to remember me. And it seems I was right, you forgot what it means to be a friend, our friendship was forgotten with ease and all you remember is me as a safe haven when all else smolders around your feet. I don’t want to be remembered when you’re broken and weak. I have only ever asked you to remember me, I have asked nothing more and I promised I would never ask any more of you, except now, I need to ask you one last thing, because I need you to free me from this imprisonment that I am so helpless to run from, I need you to do one last thing for me and Lord knows I’m owed that much, I need you to forget me.

The Cycle

There are a few of us in this world that hide in our own shadows, afraid to let anyone see us in our true form. I've always been afraid of letting people in, most of the time without any real reason. On some level I guess I've always believed that if people got to see the real me they wouldn't like me very much, because, well, I don’t like me very much, so who else would? I was once told that there are two types of people in the world, those that see faults in themselves and those that see faults in others, I've always assumed that those that keep my company are that of the latter and therefore if I want to keep those that I love nearest I cannot let them see me in my truest self.

From a young age I learned that people can walk into your life with great ease and they can be taken from you with greater ease. Some are taken by cruel twists of fate and others leave of their own accord, nothing is permanent and no bond lasts forever. I guess it was at that young age I learned that I could cushion the blow, by not allowing anyone to get too close.

Something that I've never really been able to understand is how a person can hurt you so easily after spending years trying to work their way into your heart. In time you let them in, allowing them to undress your heart layer by layer until you are completely and utterly defenseless  Naked. At a point where they could just stop your heart completely and if they so desired and you’d let them with no fight at all, because you've given your heart to them in every sense of the word. But they don’t, they don’t stop your heart beating, instead they wreak havoc upon it. They don’t stop it beating, they simply make every beat more and more painful than the last. And I guess as you sit there nursing your wounds in agony you begin to wonder how they managed to work their way so deep into your heart, especially when you've always been so careful as to who you let wander near, and then every loving word they ever told you just becomes but another spit of venom that burned it’s way through your defenses until you were naked.

I guess in time someone else will come along and they are willing to love you, devoted to finding their way through the mazes you've erected for added security, but it becomes just too difficult to penetrate. And sometimes despite the difficulty they stick around, because they are determined, but to you they’re just trying to clean up a mess that someone else left in the wake of it all. Sometimes they let you into their heart before they've found a way in yours and once in that position you do what has been done to you because that’s all you really know and have known. And I guess that’s where the most vicious of circles begins, the circle of heartbreak, distrust, distress and agony.

Occasionally you find compassion and open your heart to them as they have to you, and perhaps that is where the truest of all love is born, but that really is a rare thing and you realize someday soon you will have to mourn them, or worse they will have to mourn you.

from an anonymous blogger

Music

The power of music is undeniably strong; it can be of great inspiration but it can demoralize too, it can be the cause of great joy but it can also be the cause of great sorrow. It can be the small thing that underpins a great day, just there in the background but yet somehow it’s the one thing that holds the whole moment together. It can be the conversation when no words are spoken and you just stand there together dancing, the music just sinking into you. Music can be company when no one else is anywhere to be seen, it can be your lullaby when there is no one to sing to you anymore.

Music doesn’t change; music doesn’t grow and evolve to suit your life, when you change, when you grow those songs you once held so dear stay forever the same. A song recorded the year you met your lover will always sound the same, each chord the same as it was when first played. No, music does not change. But the way in which you hear it does. The feelings and the emotions music can make erupt from you can change. A song you once loved can become the bane of your existence. We attach feelings to music and when those feelings are damaged, broken or otherwise abused, that song that you once loved will never be heard the same way again.

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Sabaw Song of the Week

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Stay

by Sara Bareilles

Saturday, empty room, filled with people 

It don't mean a thing to

You and I, holding hands

Nobody knows, nobody understands

I don't care for sunlight

That only means it's over

And I'm in no mood for that

Stay tonight

Don't come morning, don't come light

They may be lies, say it, say that we'll be alright

If we stay tonight

My hands are shaking

This is a complicated love with me

Keep your eyes closed, I've seen it baby

I've seen where this goes

Stay tonight

Don't come morning, don't come light

They may be lies, but say that we'll be alright

If we stay tonight

Gonna feel it baby

Oh I don't wanna cry

I know we'll get to tomorrow and say goodbye

That's what I'm asking for

Tonight

Stay tonight

Don't come morning, don't come light

They may be lies but say that we'll be alright

Say that we're gonna be alright

Tonight